查看完整版本: Sharing some information: Men’s Fashion

Sharing some information: Men’s Fashion

<h2>Men’s Fashion: Part 1, Suits</h2>
                <p>It’s the one thing every man should own: a suit. <b>THE EDITORS</b>
salute the suit’s ability to withstand expiration, bask in its enduring
appeal, and offer advice on what to look for when you’re off to buy
your own. If only we could be there to say, “Suits you, sir!”</p>

<blockquote>A mask tells us more than a face.<br/>—Oscar Wilde</blockquote>
<h1>Introduction to the Series</h1>
Welcome to the first installment of <span class="tmncaps">The Morning News</span> Men’s Fashion Guide. Over the course of four articles, <span class="tmncaps">The Morning News</span>
will open its closets and show what we’ve learned: our sartorial
successes, our embarrassing failures (involving capes in one case,
dreadlocks in another), and our underwear, which we find both
embarrassing and successful.<br/><br/>This week we’ll explain what we
like, what we hate, and what we don’t know about suits, with shopping
tips included. These lessons have been prepared over years of bad and
good shopping, and are written for the ground-floor dresser, guaranteed
trend-proof. Indulge in your vanity and join us in ours.<br/><br/>And now, the man’s little black dress if he could wear it into battle: the suit.<br/><br/>

<h1>On Suits</h1>
<blockquote>Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.<br/>—Cary Grant</blockquote>
Without suits, men would have nothing. In the hierarchy of style, a
good suit remains a man’s only trump card. Even in this sad age of
casual-wear, the suit still carries an air of success, taste, and
sophistication. It is designed to make you look better, to break
boundaries between social classes, to make a small man tall with
pinstripes or a fat man rich with soft wools. The suit looks good in
restaurants, trains, dinner parties or Paris; in short, everywhere you
want to be. It is, in its best forms, a complete outfit that will never
fail you.<br/><br/>And
that is exactly what it will do, if you treat it right. Unfortunately
the majority of suits you see look awful. This isn’t necessary. Even if
you work ten hours with your jacket on, being mindful of your clothing
will keep you ready for cocktails after work. Too many men either don’t
care or don’t know how to wear a suit, and, suitably, look like shit.
This is worth avoiding.<br/><br/>To start us off, a few general rules should be observed when approaching a suit, and most apply to good dressing in general:
<ul><li>The suit, no matter the style, needs to fit your body, closely.
This means all pieces should be cut and tailored appropriate to your
form. Surprisingly, this doesn’t require a lot of money ($500 can, in
fact, get you a good suit) but it does take an eye, and the strength to
ignore any saccharine compliments from salesmen.</li><li>Trends have six-to-eighteen-month shelf lives. If you plan to
retire your suit in this window, feel free to splurge. Otherwise, shop
considerately.</li><li>Suits are made of wool or cotton, and their variations. Additional fabrics need not apply.</li><li>You are an interesting, confident, multi-hued man. Let others learn that from how you behave, not from the label on your jacket.</li><li>A suit jacket goes with suit pants, not with jeans or chinos. If
you want a casual jacket, buy a sport-coat or a blazer. Stand-up
comedians are regularly shot over this rule.</li><li>If you’re not comfortable—if you don’t feel the suit’s appropriate
for you—the salesman’s looking out for his commission, not your style.</li><li>A modestly, well-dressed man has never failed to impress. Yes, never.</li></ul>
Assuming you’re not an investment banker, you don’t need ten suits; you
only need four. This means you can be a discerning shopper and spend
time accumulating, then keeping your suits in good condition (dry clean
once a year, then more for spills; don’t you dare iron it yourself).
Think of the process in terms of collecting, spending years searching
for that one original-packaged Chewbacca.

<h1>The Fab Four</h1>
1. <b>The Standard Blue:</b> Great for business,
lunches, New York Mayors, summer dinners, or casual parties. Can be
worn with black or brown shoes, even white if you’re daring. Reflects
well by a pool. Standard blue means navy, with no room for paler
shades, even if you went to UNC. <br/><br/>
2. <b>The Classic Gray:</b>
Appropriate for everything and even makes a red-head look dandy. Grays
also are the best with patterns, especially anything in the chevron
family. Start with plain, move to window-pane. Even such, the gray is
never controversial. It’s the Switzerland of suits. <br/><br/>
3. <b>The Basic Black:</b>
Our favorite and the perennial classic, it’s a fit at the Oscars or
your sister’s wedding, the perfect compliment to a good white shirt,
beloved by gangsters, designers, and undertakers (those jobs with the
highest doses of fashion-conscious aptitudes; respectively, aggression,
vanity, and wisdom). If you only own one suit, this is it. You can even
be buried in it.<br/><br/>
4. <b>Any of the above</b>, with pinstripes.<br/><br/>
<h1>The Jacket</h1>
So. You’ve picked your color and you’re ready for the fit. First comes
the jacket. Never was a suit bought for the pants and repeatedly worn
afterwards. Pants are easily adjusted by a tailor, jackets can only
have minor improvements. Think of true love: it must be close to
just-right at first, with a slight thrill when you put it on, the <i>coup de foudre </i>as the French say.<br/><br/>First
off: are you a single-breasted man or a double? While both styles can
fit most body types, single-breasted jackets tend to flatter the slim
while double-breasted jackets make the broad look mighty. This doesn’t
imply being “skinny&amp;” or “fat,” it’s simply about your tits; hence
the term “breasted.” Choose the jacket style that you can best fill
out—from there you’ll always look best. David Letterman, who can rarely
be found <i>not</i> wearing a double-breasted jacket, skirts this rule
by sitting behind a desk. Notice how uncomfortable he is during the
monologue, fussing with his buttons while standing full-view before the
camera.<br/><br/>To those opting for the single-breasted jacket, you’ll
have to choose how many buttons you want. One? Hmm. Two? Excellent. And
returning in popularity. Three? Certainly good, and was much
sought-after in the recent past though it’s now reached near total
market saturation. But, still classic, and hopefully always available. <br/><br/>Of
course, jackets also come in four-, five-, and six-button styles, each
with their own fifteen minutes of fame. Four-button jackets have been
sported by everyone from The Beatles to Steve Harvey. Can you sport
one? Of course! But no, not this season…<br/><br/>Last, the fit. Like we
said before, close to the body, but no wrinkles when you button. Vents,
double or single, are preferred to the vent-less jacket that, nine
times out of ten, looks like a giant condom from behind. Shoulder pads
should be avoided—you’re no linebacker—but a tailor will gouge you if
you show up post-purchase and ask him to reduce the heft.<br/><br/>Finally,
before we move onto trousers, there is one ticklish in-between: the
vest. We can put this simply. If you’re ready to buy a vest, you’re
either old enough to sport one or dangerously disillusioned. A good
rule of thumb: Alfred Hitchcock looked great in vests. Young Jimmy
Stewart looked out of his league. Pick your man.

<h1>The Trousers</h1>
You must now choose a trouser style. There have been, in the history of
men’s trousers, a few trends that fucked with a good thing:
bell-bottoms, bibs, clam-diggers, “cargo.” Unfortunately, all of these
styles eventually found their way into suits.<br/><br/>Men,
generally, will take any pants that come with a jacket. Being men, we
want some control over how they look—“How they work,” thinks the
man—but not too much. Hence, the cuffs-or-no-cuffs debate. Ask a man
what he thinks of his pants and he’ll say, “Yeah, I had to go
no-cuffs.” We won’t help you here except to say: cuffs are older,
no-cuffs are not. Choose according to your image of yourself.<br/><br/>Next
comes the pleats question: The only times pleats are wanted is in the
single-pleat case, on a pair of wool pants. The case should be that the
pants look crisp and well-folded, rather than puckered. How to tell the
difference? Think of a pair of pants recently back from the dry
cleaner. Remember the line down the middle of the leg. Does your new
pleat-to-be look like that? If not, drop the hanger and run.<br/><br/>After
cuffs and pleats, you need to worry about waist, swish, drape,
belt-loops, ass-hugging, crotch-dangling, and whether or not you need a
watch pocket. This is beyond our advice. Suffice to say, your ass is
probably less than marble, though it shouldn’t be treated like a towel
hook. Pants shouldn’t blow like a scarf in the breeze. The best way to
judge a pair of pants is to ask yourself, “Would I wear these pants on
a date without the jacket?” If so, they’re fine. If not, move on.<br/><br/>Finally,
a salesman will often ask if you’d like to buy two pairs of pants for
the suit. The idea is you can alternate pants with the jacket so they
wear evenly over time, but since pants can be so easily ruined, you
always have a back-up pair. This is similar to electronics store people
trying to sell you insurance on an air conditioner; if you have the
money, it’s not a bad idea, but it also isn’t necessary.<br/><br/>So now
that you’ve picked out your suit, you have to know how to wear it.
We’ll assume you know the basics of putting the thing on. (Yes, the
jacket part goes on top.) And this brings us to buttoning. It is a
historic dilemma, faced by every man. Here, for you, is our
easy-to-remember rulebook:
<ul><li><b>Two-button jacket</b>: Button the top button, only, ever. Button the bottom button and you’ll look like a stooge. That’s really all there is to it.</li><li><b>Three-button jacket</b>: Button either the middle button alone
or the top two. Important: the bottom button does not meet its hole. It
will plead before a date, just when your stomach’s boiling, “Hey!
Friend! Button me once, please. I’m sure we’ll look fine. Come on! Just
once!” But you will not give in, you will be strong.</li></ul>

<br/><center>* * *</center><br/><br/>
Now the suit’s on, and you’re ready to go. Comb your hair, have a
cocktail, head out for the evening. Travel lightly when you go, meaning
don’t bulge your pockets with a Bible-sized wallet. Your outside jacket
pockets, in fact, should never be used unless your companion asks; at
that moment chuck your pretensions and stuff them full. When you get
home, brush down the suit, hang it evenly, and keep it in a bag. Wear
it often, with pride, and don’t take shit for looking good. After all,
no one can be Cary Grant, but everyone can try.<br/><br/>Oh yeah, another thing: Don’t roll up the jacket sleeves <i>Miami-Vice</i> style. We say this now, but then again, considering the fickle nature of fashion, don’t hold us to it.

<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="excerpt-description" valign="bottom"><span class="article-date"><b><span class="article-title">Men’s Fashion: Part 2, Dress Shirts</span></b>
                                        </span></td></tr></tbody></table><br/><table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" align="left"><img height="47" alt="" src="http://www.themorningnews.org/images/mensfashion_shirts.gif" width="47" border="0"/>
                                </td><td><img height="47" alt="" src="http://www.themorningnews.org/images/pixel.gif" width="15" border="0"/></td><td><i><span class="article-excerpt">Our second installment of men’s fashion advice, and our favorite topic: dress shirts. They can match any outfit, be worn in planes and malls alike, dress Miles Davis and Bill Gates in the same colors, and still say different things. </span></i><p></p><br/><br/></td></tr></tbody></table><!--Element not supported - Type: 8 Name: #comment--><!--Element not supported - Type: 8 Name: #comment--><table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="article-text"><b>On Dress Shirts</b><blockquote>They all came, some wore sentiments<br/>Emblazoned on T-shirts, proclaiming the lateness<br/>Of the hour, and indeed the sun slanted its rays<br/>Through branches of Norfolk Island pine as though<br/>Politely clearing its throat…<br/>– John Ashbery, ‘The Other Tradition’</blockquote>Sweet, lovely shirts. Barrel-cuffed or French, button-collar or fly, we’ll take them in any form – as long as they’re well made. Unfortunately, as we grow older, our styles age with us, and a line of bent hangers marks our sartorial missteps. Here then are some rules to help you grow your battery of shirts with care.<br/><br/>First, a ground rule: Shirts, like all matter, can be destroyed. A shirt you buy tomorrow won’t last more than two years. Chili parties, leaky pens, sip-tops, the world is full of ways to ruin good fabrics. So don’t get sentimental when your Thomas Pink turns pinot noir; you never should have spent that much money anyway.<br/><br/>For dress shirts, you’ll either buy them off the rack or have them made for you. While the latter is the preferable method, it’s also usually the most expensive. Most men buy dress shirts in three ways: from a catalog, off a hanger, or from those wooden cubby-holes that haberdashers use to make their store seem like a gentleman’s club.<br/><br/>In all cases, the most important thing to know is your size. We don’t mean small, medium, or large. We mean knowing the length of your arms and the girth of your neck at all times. If you don’t know, go to a fancy shirt-shop and have a caring salesman wrap you with measuring tape. Scribble down the numbers and memorize them as if they were a pass-code to a better life. And they are.<br/><br/>This pass-code, however, is not a universal standard (except that any man in a well-fitted shirt is probably living better than a man in an ill-fitting one). Neck and sleeve sizes don’t mandate design, so where one 15-33 makes you look like Justin Timberlake, others could drape Perry Mason. Some shirts are cut longer than others so you have enough tail to tuck. Unfortunately, most times you’ll look like you’ve crapped a blanket. Others are cut too short, so when you raise a hand your tail comes un-tucked. This is why we don’t recommend catalog shopping where avoidable; you need to sample the wares before clinching the sale.<br/><br/>And sampling means noticing how the shirt is made. Examine the stitching, the buttons, the hem. If the shirt looks cheap, it is. And if you wear that shirt, you’ll look cheap. If looking cheap is your thing, God save you. Shirts, while more expendable than suits, are worth the money they cost, <i>to a point. </i>No shirt, unless it’s made-to-measure, is worth more than $150. If you’re going to spend more than that, have it made for your body. <br/><br/>Let us note, before going further, that the experience of having good shirts made for your body, with all of your preferences in mind – style, collar, cuff – is a wonderful, expensive indulgence. You are choosing to pamper your vanity rather than a small village in Africa. You must be without guilt or illusions: you are paying someone a lot of money to make shirts that will fit you, and only you, perfectly. If you decide to go down this path, make sure you work with a good tailor, and have the permission of your partner. If you’re in New York, may we recommend <a href="http://www.16sur20.com/">Seize sur Vingt</a>.<br/><br/>To start with style, there are a variety of collars available to the shirt-shopping man.<br/><br/><b>Straight:</b> Possibly the most standard of men’s collars these days. This collar aims in varying degrees of ‘down.’ There are a number of ‘spreads’ available in straight collars, the ‘spread’ being the amount of space visible between the collars, at the neck, where a tie might live. Choose too-narrow a spread and you could be on the <i>GoodFellas </i>poster.<br/><br/><b>Spread:</b> A straight collar that’s been spread to the point of not being considered straight anymore. This collar is also sometimes referred to as the ‘cutaway’ collar, for the large amount of visible space between collar tips; it’s also called the ‘British Spread,’ because it’s popular there and Americans love wearing anything that smells European. Due to their construction, spread collars are typically slightly less-wide than straight collars. This collar, too, is available in a variety of spread distances.<br/><br/><b>Button-Down:</b> The collar that’s affixed to the shirt, popular with Mormons, prep schools, mod parties, and consulting firms. <i>I.e.,</i> either hip or square, depending on how you wear it. Never wear the collar unbuttoned. And don’t snip off the buttons to make it a non-button-down shirt: you’ll still be left with buttonholes in the collar, and people will notice. And we don’t want <i>that.</i><br/><br/><b>Curved:</b> A straight collar that has a slight curve outwards from the face. It’s a different look, for a different type of man. Yes, just different. And sometimes preferred by Steve Martin. No comment.<br/><br/><b>Tab:</b> A collar that has a small snap-tab connecting the two collar sides together. No real idea what this tab is for. Must be a reason. Maybe it’s an added security feature.<br/><br/><b>Banded:</b> Quite simply, no collar – just a button at the neck. Preferred by Michael Stipe circa-1990 and Robin Williams at any formal event. Come to think of it, Steve Martin’s also worn it on occasion. Good for wooing women with the I-used-to-be-a-Yoga-instructor-but-now-I-study-African-drumming look.<br/><br/>The point in having so many collars is that you get to choose one that suits you. It’s often said that men with narrow faces should choose collars that are wider, to help <i>broaden</i> their faces; conversely, men with wider faces should choose collars that are narrower, to help <i>lengthen</i> their faces. Personal style is really the best route, though: don’t choose a collar that isn’t you. And don’t blame your face for keeping you from wearing what you want. Only Hugh Grant is Hugh Grant, and anyway, we suspect he’s a doofus.<br/><br/>On to cuffs. This is the easy part. You have a few options, but it’s mainly built-in buttons or holes for cuff-links. Again, personal style. A note on cuff-links, though, in case you want to wear them: never wear cuff-links if you’re not wearing a jacket. Otherwise you’ll look like a pirate who forgot to hide his treasure.<br/><br/>Once you have your cuffs, size, and collar set, you’re left to fit and color. If you can wear them, always opt for a ‘fitted’ or ‘athletic’ style dress shirt. This means you’ll walk away with a garment that tapers toward your waist, as opposed to the kind that billows at your back like a galleon at full sail. A well-fitted shirt will look like it was sewn right on you. Except without the drops of blood.<br/><br/>Finally: color or pattern. Men usually choose according to one of a few reasons: either they trust the color (men whose shirts are all either white or blue), they need some new colors (the men we just mentioned who are now sick of white and blue), or a color has become trendy (1999, Banana Republic, crimson red). Again, the most we can say is choose the style that’s right for your look, but don’t be afraid of expanding your repertoire. Remember: Shirts are where you get to have the most fun with your outfit, and it’s <i>so </i>easy to be boring.<br/><br/>But what about the sleeves? Good point. For places with summers in the mid-nineties, you can get away with long sleeves for most of the year. And don’t be afraid to roll those sleeves up when necessary. Not only does it look great, but it also suggests you’ve been hard at work on something or other. Probably.<br/><br/>If, however, your summers sit in a neighborhood that’s no stranger to breaking 105 degrees, feel free to wear your dress sleeves short and sit sweat-free, knowing fashion didn’t give you two weeks of carefully tended re-hydration therapy in the hospital.<br/><br/>Now you have your shirt, and you’re ready to get dressed. What seems to change most in dress shirt fashion is <i>how to wear them.</i> Right now it’s alright to leave the tail un-tucked (unless you’re wearing a suit) assuming the shirt tapers to the waist and ends before it’s half-way down your ass. Still, with the un-tucked look so pervasive, tucking or not tucking doesn’t say much, assuming you don’t look like a slob. What people really want to know is, <i>how many buttons are unbuttoned at the top of your shirt.</i><br/><br/><b>Zero buttons?</b> You’re either a) the classic nerd, b) an out-of-touch New Waver, or c) a turn-of-the-century heartland obsessive. In all cases, buy a tie; you’ll do yourself a world of good.<br/><br/><b>One button?</b> Average. Simple. No judgments to be made here. You’re not offending anyone; you’re making nobody wonder. This is probably good.<br/><br/><b>Two buttons?</b> If you’re starting each day this way, you’re either a cocky bastard or European, and lucky for you, we admire both types. For an American, though, it’s worth waiting until after lunch before you slip that second button.<br/><br/><b>Three or more buttons?</b> Hope you’ve got another shirt on underneath there, Rico Suave.<br/><br/>Now you’ve got your shirts, you’re wearing them, and people love you. At some point, though, you need to take them off. When it comes time for cleaning, the best method is hand-washing, followed by a nice, stiff press. But who’s got time for that? Instead, get them dry-cleaned (no starch) or have them cleaned and pressed.<br/><br/>When they get back from the cleaners, call that special someone, make drinks, lay a fire. Escort your lover to the closet and – slowly! – take down each shirt, unbuttoning every cuff (you can use your teeth), then throw them up so the air is a cloud of stripes, an ecstasy of cotton.<br/><br/>We love good shirts. </td></tr></tbody></table>

<div id="articleHead"><h1>Opinions</h1><h2>Men’s Fashion: Part 3, Pants</h2><p>They decorate your legs. They accentuate your form. They define your character. And the correct choice between wearing them or not can keep you out of jail. <b>THE EDITORS</b> present part three of their men’s fashion advice: pants.</p><blockquote>When children dress like adults they are more likely to behave as adults do, to imitate adult actions. It is hard to walk like an adult male wearing corduroy knickers that make an awful noise. But boys in long pants can walk like men, and little girls in tight jeans can walk like women.<br/>—David Elkind, <i>The Hurried Child</i></blockquote><p>We’ve now covered suits and shirts in our Men’s Fashion series, but what good are they without pants? Men without lower garments are either indigent or flashers, and while either case can win you attention, it’s not likely to be favorable. There’s no situation that doesn’t require pants—unless it includes an amorous companion—so let’s explore how to best swaddle your thighs.<br/><br/>Men today have an abundance of pant-styles from which to choose. For business-wear, a man might pull out some nice gabardine trousers or a stretchy pair of black cotton pants. Some men wear jeans to work, while others wear khakis. Both the drab and the swish might have a pair of “gray flannels” that were once a standard and have since tortured itchy little boys in church. There are even those who wear leather, or velvet; they would be rock stars, or their imitators. For today’s lesson, we’ll concentrate on what men are most likely to wear to the office: jeans, chinos, corduroys, and “slacks,” meaning anything of the wool or nylon-blend family.<br/><br/>Also, we threw together a little something at the end about shorts.</p></div>

<h1>Jeans</h1>Blue, of course. Black, yes; white, sure; khaki, maybe; purple, never. Jeans are the universal standard for comfort, durability, and casual chic. Like whiskey, Johnny Cash, and pornography, they’re a little dirty and widely beloved, and it’s no mistake that top fashion designers—Hedi Slimane, Tom Ford, Helmut Lang—wear them every day. They’re dark, they’re faded, they’re in-between: whichever way, that wash has either just been or is about to be fashionable. The “dirty” look? That’s still right on target. Boot-cut, straight-leg, baggy: who can tell how you’re supposed to choose? All told, jeans inhabit a peculiar place in any man’s wardrobe: while they may always work for bagging leaves, they’re also subject to blink-of-an-eye changes in mass appeal.<br/><br/><i>E.g.,</i> acid wash.<br/><br/>Flipping the proverbial bird to all of this, you should choose your jeans by whatever cut looks best with your build. While a boot or straight cut works for most, personal style may say you don’t want to run with the crowd. Just don’t go crazy. After all, tapered jeans haven’t come back yet. <br/><br/><b>A rule</b>: No man over 25 years of age should wear jeans with pant legs wider than the length of his foot.<br/><br/>Wash and color are important in how your jeans will complement your wardrobe. If you’re wearing your jeans to work, a darker blue will look more professional than a lighter one (lighter will look old, uncared for, and sickly with white shirts). Feel free to wear with a belt or without (a la George Harrison) but keep the waist <i>at your waist. </i>Sand-bagging’s for little boys.<br/><br/>Washing here does not refer to how the jeans are actually washed but the relative lightness/darkness, or distressing of the denim. Distressing? Oh, stone-washed, sandblasted, ripped, acid-washed, etc. Now, while distressed jeans often cost more than those untouched by erosion, the price-conscious jeans-shopper can give home-distressing a shot. For this you’ll need some heavy-grade sandpaper and a board. Slide the board inside each jean leg, and rub industriously. Bear in mind, author error has caused injury during such experiments. Let’s just say it sucks pulling shaved denim out of your knuckles.<br/><br/><b>Another rule</b>: Do not have your jeans hemmed; this looks stupid. If you can’t acquire the right leg length, however, <i>and must</i> get your jeans hemmed—have it done by a professional who will do a proper jeans hem (short hem, about a half-inch wide; stitched through with heavy thread). Beware: you should wash your jeans at least once before having them hemmed. Jeans shrink, and you don’t want your once-perfect, newly-hemmed Levi’s to suddenly turn into high-waters.<br/><br/>In the end, it’s all about the fit: how does your ass look? Or, how do others think your ass looks? If they say it looks “fine,” then these aren’t the jeans for you. If the jeans look right, everyone will comment on the beauty of your derriere. This really isn’t a question of fabric <i>tightness,</i> mind you, but one of <i>fit.</i> If anyone says they’re able to imagine what your ass would look like unclothed (and this is said in a disapproving manner), these probably aren’t the jeans for you. Don’t take it personally, though. These just aren’t the jeans for your ass.<br/><br/>Lastly, ripping off the back pockets so your ass-cheeks become taillights is not only tasteless, it’s terrible on the fabric.<br/><br/><h1>Chinos</h1>We lament chinos. We abhor chinos. If there’s one style of pants we could erase from the world, they’d be tan-colored and made of cotton, often frayed at the cuff. (“Perfect for the beach, for the party, or for reading the paper on a lazy Sunday. Available in sizes 28 to 38, in colors: mud, rock, moss, ennui, and bark.”) That businesses have eased off suits and allowed J. Crew drones to man every desk makes us tired. Let’s face it: most men a) don’t care how they dress, so long as it’s comfortable, and b) will wear the lowest-common denominator that they can get away with. If you think you’re any less a company-man by wearing chinos instead of a suit, look around and re-assess. Are you wearing a blue shirt? Uh-oh.<br/><br/>However, we understand men like these pants, if only because they’re popular, comfortable, easy to match, and cheap. Classy men have worn them, and we own some ourselves. Fine. A few lessons then, on the sporting of chinos.<br/><br/><b>First</b>: Cargo pants were invented for the Army so soldiers could carry things. What the hell do you have in those pockets, your bong? Give it a rest.<br/><br/><b>Second</b>: Do not feel the need to always buy tan or any of its close, likewise muted relatives. Be a little adventurous and try blue! Or brown! Or white! Even Nantucket red! That is, if you have a belt with little sailing flags on it, Chip…<br/><br/><b>Third</b>: Chinos are not formal pants. Chinos are not formal pants. Chinos are not formal pants. Thank you for listening.<br/>

<h1>Corduroys</h1>Cords are actually easy to cover because the same rules for chinos and jeans apply to cords as well (choose according to personal style, emphasis on good fit), except the wonderful thing is, the fabric’s actually closer to formal and can go over well in restaurants when your date eyes your pants.<br/><br/>We advise a thinner wale to a thicker one. The wale describes the thickness of the ridge that runs vertically down the pants. And while a thicker wale might seem richer—ooh, all that fabric, and in one solid bunch!—it actually looks cheaper when you’re a few feet away, and will appear that you’ve hugged your trunks in pipe cleaners. Strictly for DJs.<br/><br/><b>A rule</b>: <i>No horizontal corduroys. </i>These are a rare breed, most often found in head shops or avant-fashion boutiques, and are a silly waste of fabric.<br/><br/><h1>Slacks</h1>What can we say, we love slacks. They can match anything, from formal to casual (blazer or jean jacket, tie or T-shirt), and work on any occasion where a suit’s a bit too much. <br/><br/>Shop, as usual, to your personal style, but be very careful about the fit, <i>in all places. </i>That is, get close to your boys without touching, with the same applying to your bottom. Never accept a waist size that won’t accommodate an undershirt and dress shirt tucked in. Pleats can be acceptable in subtle cases, but avoided when more than one per leg.<br/><br/>Also, you’ll want a nice break over your shoe (where the cuff hits your foot) and always err longer over shorter. Pockets shouldn’t pinch or crinkle, and your wallet should sit comfortably in your back pocket, not hanging off your ass like a lungfish.<br/><br/>And finally, the fabric. A popular error on the part of designers is using ultra-thin fabrics when constructing the pants. Avoid these. They’ll look fine when you’re standing in place, but as soon as you move you’ll be MC Hammer. A good way to avoid this is by buying pants that are lined, adding a little heft to otherwise swishy funnels.<br/><br/><h1>Shorts</h1>There are two types of men: those who will never, ever, under any conditions wear shorts and those who leap at the chance. While there’s a long-standing tradition, now dead, of boys wearing shorts and, upon their graduation to manhood (okay, to puberty), wearing long pants. The whole process was considered a rite of passage, one that, like so many other things, has died a somewhat unnoticeable death.<br/><br/>Choose the middle road: be the man who knows what shorts are for.<br/><br/>Shorts, as a part of a man’s wardrobe, are a necessity. They are what you exercise in; they are what you mow the lawn in; they are what you wear on vacation. To a very hot place. To a place where trousers would turn your backside into a dripping wall of sweat. They are, however, not what you wear to dinner. Or to a wedding. Or, in fact, to a funeral—even if they’re black.<br/><br/>When choosing a pair of shorts, go for those that don’t epitomize the word “short” all too much. Go for utility. Will you be able to go to the gym in these? Will you be able to cut the yard in these? Yes? Purchase. <br/><br/>Do you think they’re formal enough to wear to the office? Yes? Then please, let us show you to the trouser department. Third floor; yes, the elevator’s around the corner.<br/><br/>And, sir, we all thank you for your decision to not wear those shorts.