丘灵 2007-10-8 12:46
[story] Ghost
[b]Part 1[/b]<br/><br/>I think I see a ghost. <br/><br/>Of course other people don’t think so. <br/><br/>But I do believe I see a ghost. <br/><br/>It happened three days ago: in a cold afternoon, I walked around a corner, I saw a pale shadow, and it followed me everywhere. Just like that, pretty simple. <br/><br/>As I walk across the street, it is a few steps behind me. If I make a turn, it follows me. <br/><br/>As I sit on a bench and watch children playing in the park, it sits a few feet away from me. <br/><br/>As I prepare dinner and sit down and eat, it stands behind me. <br/><br/>As I lie on the bed and sleep, it hides in the corner and watches me. <br/><br/>I can’t say it is causing inconvenience to my life, because it never interferes with anything I do. And I can’t say it is causing fear to my life, because I am not afraid of it.<br/><br/>In fact, I start enjoying its company.<br/><br/>Sometimes I turn my head around and stare at it. It doesn’t have appearance or limbs. As I said before, it is just a pale shadow. And you can’t figure out appearance or limbs from a shadow, can you? <br/><br/>It allows me to look at it playfully, seriously, joyfully, or even fiercely. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to swallow it with my eyes. I feel so passionate towards this shadow that I want it to be part of me. <br/><br/>I give it a name. I call it “Another Me.” <br/><br/>I want to share this joy with other people. I want to tell people that I have found a following shadow and I have given it a name. Soul mate. Yes! I have found a soul mate! <br/><br/>But I have got nobody to tell. <br/><br/>So I turn my head around and tell Another Me that I have found a following shadow and I have given it a name. And believe it or not, I have actually found a soul mate. <br/><br/>I think it smiles back at me. <br/><br/>[b]Part 2[/b]<br/><br/>One night I go to a pub. There is a fat man sitting next to me. His belly is so big that I suspect that it has its own life. <br/><br/>He chats with me, “You work in finance?” <br/><br/>“No,” I say, “I don’t.” <br/><br/>He continues, “I know a friend who worked in finance. Smart guy, real smart, I tell you. But too much pressure, you know? So he jumped off the building. Pity. Real pity.” <br/><br/>I nod. Then I ask, “Do you believe in ghost?”<br/><br/>The fat man seems to be shocked by my question. His belly keeps moving up and down. <br/><br/>I repeat my question again. <br/><br/>“No,” he says, “I don’t.”<br/><br/>I decide that I will not tell him about Another Me. People have the right to choose what they want to believe and what they don’t. Maybe this fat man is jealous of his friend’s work and pushed him down the building. Or maybe his friend shot himself instead of jumping off the building. But any way, the fat man decides that he will believe that his friend killed himself by jumping off the building. <br/><br/>Everyone has the right to decide what he believes in. <br/><br/>I look back at Another Me. And I think it agrees with me. <br/><br/>But I keep wondering: what if the fat man said, “Yes, I believe in ghost.” Will I tell him about Another Me then? <br/><br/>Another Me is my secret. If I tell it to someone else, the secret of Another Me will not belong to me any more. And yet I am so happy about Another Me that I want to share it with the whole world. <br/><br/>Contradiction.<br/><br/>I want to make sure how I actually feel about Another Me so I will know what I want to do. <br/><br/>I need proof. <br/><br/>Proof of my feeling.<br/><br/>[b]Part 3[/b]<br/><br/>I start reading self-help books about “finding your true self.” I can’t say the books help me a lot, but I do learn something from them. <br/><br/>One book says, if you always think about someone and smile when you think about him/ her, then you are in love with him/ her.<br/><br/>I think about Another Me often enough. And when I know that I am not lonely in the world because Another Me is with me, I smile. <br/><br/>Am I in love with Another Me?<br/><br/>Can someone possibly be in love with Another Me?<br/><br/>Yes, why not? – a thought slips into my mind. <br/><br/>I am astonished with this idea. <br/><br/>But – why not? Why can’t someone like me be in love with a pale shadow? <br/><br/>My love for Another Me is a reasonable explanation for why I am happy for its company and yet I am not willing to share the secret of Another Me with other people. I am afraid that other people will steal Another Me’s heart (if it has any) away! <br/><br/>Now everything makes perfect sense! <br/><br/>I am a person, and I am in love with a pale shadow. But what is the difference between a person and a pale shadow anyway? <br/><br/>Another Me doesn’t have appearance or limbs. Yet it makes me feel comforted. No other human being has ever given me such feeling. <br/><br/>For the first time in my life, I feel that something belongs to me and I belong to something. In the Fox’s words, “I’m tamed by the Little Prince.” <br/><br/>I think I am tamed by Another Me. <br/><br/>But is Another Me tamed by me as well? <br/><br/>Suddenly I am overwhelmed by an extreme heat of jealousy. Not only do I want to keep Another Me’s secret with me, but I want to have Another Me’s love as well. <br/><br/>I am in love and I want to be loved. <br/><br/>[b]Part 4[/b]<br/><br/>I need to test Another Me to see if it is in love with me. But it doesn’t have appearance and it doesn’t have facial expression. It doesn’t talk. It doesn’t even make the slightest sound. It is just a pale shadow, following me everywhere. <br/><br/>I walk through under a row of maples. Every step comes with a little crack of the leaves.<br/><br/>I turn around, and see Another Me following me.<br/><br/>I walk into a river. Every step comes with a splash of water. <br/><br/>I turn around, and see Another Me following me. <br/><br/>I walk on a beach. Every step comes with a drop of sand. <br/><br/>I turn around, and see Another Me following me.<br/><br/>I walk onto a hill. Every step comes with a cry of cheerful birds. <br/><br/>I turn around, and see Another Me following me.<br/><br/>The pale shadow keeps following me although it makes no noise. I think I have proved something, although I don’t exactly know what I have proved. <br/><br/>Another night I lie on bed. Another Me hides itself in the corner as usual. <br/><br/>I ask, “Why do you keep following me?”<br/><br/>I hear no answer – of course! Another Me doesn’t talk.<br/><br/>But I repeat the question again.<br/><br/>Still, I hear no answer. <br/><br/>So I repeat the question again and again.<br/><br/>Then – I forget how long I have kept asking the same question – there is a sigh in the air. It seems to mean, “Why do you think I keep following you?”<br/><br/>“Because you want to follow me.” I answer with certainty.<br/><br/>There is a moment of silence in the air. Then – there is a sigh again. <br/><br/>“And why do you think I want to follow you?”<br/><br/>[b]Part 5[/b]<br/><br/>“Because you love me!” I answer with triumph. <br/><br/>This time I think I hear a weak voice, “So you believe so.”<br/><br/>It reminds me of the fat man sitting in a pub and talking about his dead friend. He believes that his friend killed himself by jumping off the building. So he believes so. <br/><br/>I believe that I see Another Me and it follows me everywhere and it loves me. So I believe so.<br/><br/>Other people may not feel the same way, but who cares about how other people feel? <br/><br/>So I have the right to choose what I believe in. And I believe that I see Another Me and it follows me everywhere and it loves me. <br/><br/>I feel satisfied with this conclusion. <br/><br/>And so I close my eyes and fall asleep.<br/><br/>In the dream, I am a pale shadow following a lonely person. I feel compassionate towards this lonely person, because he doesn’t belong to anything and nothing belongs to him. I feel sorry about him. <br/><br/>In the dream, the lonely person starts enjoying my company. He walks through under a row of maples, and every step comes with a little crack of the leaves. I follow him. <br/><br/>He walks into a river, and every step comes with a splash of water. I follow him. <br/><br/>He walks on a beach, and every step comes with a drop of sand. I follow him. <br/><br/>He walks onto a hill, and every step comes with a cry of cheerful birds. I follow him. <br/><br/>In the dream, I start enjoying accompanying this lonely person. After all, he is such a lonely person, and I am such a lonely pale shadow. What is the difference between us? <br/><br/>What is the difference between us?<br/><br/>And then I wake up from the dream, and I see myself. <br/><br/>
[align=right][color=#000066][此贴子已经被作者于2007-10-11 10:37:11编辑过][/color][/align]
loveflower 2007-10-11 04:57
look back now, hehe.
wxr021 2007-10-11 09:42
Actually, u have got several listeners to ur marvellous story, Ms Ghost
丘灵 2007-10-11 10:49
Hah, an awkward story with an awkward ending... <br/><br/>:P<br/><br/>I actually finished it the next day (i.e. Oct 09), but then it seemed that the bbs wasn't functioning the past few days... <br/><br/><br/>And thanks for wxr's support!!!!! :D<br/>
