For all men and women who are in love – read the following article.
For those who aren’t – read it anyway. =p
A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie. She accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them thinks of seeing anybody else.
And then one evening, when they are driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it out loud. "Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself ‘Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he has been feeling confined in our relationship; maybe he thinks I am trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of'.
And Roger is thinking 'Gosh. Six months'.
And Elaine is thinking 'But hey, I am not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have more time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are. We’re moving steadily toward* I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading towards marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?'
And Roger is thinking 'So that means it was * lets see * February when we started going out, which was after I bought the car, which means * lemme check the odometer * Whoa! I am way overdue for a service here'.
And Elaine is thinking 'He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment, maybe he sensed it - even before I did - that I had some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he is so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.'
And Roger is thinking 'And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? Its 36 degrees out there and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieving bastards six hundred dollars'.
And Elaine is thinking 'He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure'.
And Roger is thinking 'They probably say it’s only a 90 day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumbags'.
And Elaine is thinking 'Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting here next to a perfectly good person who I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centred romantic school-girl fantasy'.
And Roger is thinking 'Warranty? They want a warranty? I give them a warranty. I take their warranty and stick it*.'
"Roger," Elaine says out loud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have * Oh, I feel so*” She breaks down, sobbing.
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know that there's no knight, I really know that. There's no knight, there's no horse".
"There's no horse?" echoes Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that *. It's that I *. I need some time," Elaine says.
There is a pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one which he thinks might work.
"Yes," he says.
Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.
"Oh Roger, do you really feel that way?" she asks.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes".
Elaine turns to face him and gazed deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn. Roger gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately becomes involved in a game of tennis between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand it, and so he figures that it is better if he does not think about it. This is Roger's policy on many issues.
The next day, Elaine calls her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said, and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown and say "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
