About Marriage
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966
If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch
Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908
I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger, "When the Glass Slipper Doesn't Fit and the Silver Spoon is in Someone Else's Mouth"
Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown
Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. ~William Congreve
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. ~Author Unknown
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. ~Mae West
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. ~Author Unknown
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. ~Lord Byron
The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane. ~Joseph Collins
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. ~Oscar Wilde
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~Stephen Leacock, Literary Lapses, 1910
Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. ~Author Unknown
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence. ~Author Unknown
There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first. ~Adela Rogers St. Johns
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~Sacha Guitry, Elles et toi, 1948
Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich
Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. ~Joseph Joubert
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. ~Peter Devries
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils
Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? ~Author Unknown
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. ~Sydney J. Harris
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ~Henny Youngman
Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine. ~Honore de Balzac
Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. ~Kin Hubbard
Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert. ~Austin O'Malley
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. ~Bill Cosby, Love and Marriage
Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit. ~Jerry Hall
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. ~Helen Rowland
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. ~Helen Rowland
In the long run wives are to be paid in a peculiar coin - consideration for their feelings. As it usually turns out this is an enormous, unthinkable inflation few men will remit, or if they will, only with a sense of being overcharged. ~Elizabeth Hardwick, Seduction and Betrayal, 1974
Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. ~Author Unknown
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen
The man who never in his life
Has washed the dishes with his wife
Or polished up the silver plate -
He still is largely celibate.
~Christopher Morley, Washing the Dishes
I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind. ~Virginia Cary Hudson, O Ye Jigs & Juleps, 1962
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. ~Ogden Nash
Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. ~Author Unknown
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." ~Herbert Spencer
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. ~Nick Faldo
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.
~Author Unknown
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ~Author Unknown
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. ~Katharine Houghton Hepburn
[M]y mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot. ~Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City, 1978
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. ~Duane Dewel
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ~Rita Rudner
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. ~Minnie Pearl
I never even believed in divorce until after I got married. ~Diane Ford
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. ~Evelyn Hendrickson
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. ~Cher
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. ~Thornton Wilder
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued. ~Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. ~A.P. Herbert
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. ~Elbert Hubbard
